Updated: Apr 17, 2021
I don’t know why I struggle with the word NO.
I hadn’t really give it such a deep thought until I received a call last week for an interview for a position I applied for months ago. It’s so crazy that I couldn’t find the words to decline. I had every reason to easily say “no thank you”. 1) I already have a job 2) the position wasn’t really for me and what I wanted for myself. 3) I just wasn't into it. lol. Yet still... I said “yes”. I accepted it. Immediately after hanging up I felt regret. I just didn’t know how to say no to someone who seemed happy to be sharing this news on the other end.
This made me think about every other time I had every reason to say "NO", in every aspect:
Have you ever said YES to something or someone when deep down you really wanted to say NO? I believe this stems from my lack of boundaries with a sprinkle of that people pleasing trait. Whenever I say YES, but really want to say no, I almost immediately feel guilty. Whenever i do say NO, my guilt sometimes turn me into this accommodating person and I go back on my word and say YES anyhow.
Something along the lines of:
“You know what.. Never mind, Maybe I can help you.”
“Do you still need what you asked me for?”
“Yes, you can have it.”
“Yes, I’ll be able to make it”
All while still feeling extremely uninterested or fully committed.
I am understanding that it's common to want to please everyone. Nobody wants to come off as mean or selfish. Additionally, I believe my immediate “YES” is my natural reaction to prevent disappointing others. I hate feeling like I’ve let someone down, but sometimes I really have to put my well being and my sanity first. It's OK to say NO to something you don't really want to do, or to people you don't want to be around.
Yes, the word “NO” has a negative connotation, but not every “NO” is a negative. Saying NO to something or someone I don’t want is putting myself first. It’s me valuing and prioritizing myself. It’s knowing what won’t make me feel good, or make me better. It’s placing others’ response to my “NO” as second priority to my feelings. I won’t be saying NO to everything, but I will definitely be listening to myself and the potential outcome of my YES.
There are so many people and things I should’ve said “absolutely, NO” to. Is my YES worth the consequences? Is it really worth it? After committing to something you don’t really want- is the mental anguish really worth it?
Moving forward I want to live with less regret about my time and energy, way less “I shouldn’t have said yes”.
Do you struggle with the word NO?