Updated: Feb 10, 2021
There's nothing like a confident woman.
Master your confidence and you can accomplish so much.
Pause here and repeat "there is not a single human like me. I am special. I am a BIG deal."
I will note that self esteem and confidence are different but they go hand in hand. I had to learn from the basics that becoming confident will not come without working on my self esteem. Self esteem is the inner work and confidence is the outward reflection of that work. I feel as though how positively I view and value myself is the strong foundation I needed to continue pressing forward on this journey. Additionally, understanding that my worth does not void my insecurities, but it definitely allows me to sit with them and make sense of them.
If you weren't confident all your life and haven't truly loved all of you until your adult life- or even if you haven't gotten there at all, this post is for you. From a young age all the way into my late teens, I was not confident at all. I would like to believe that I was extremely shy, but I could remember making comparisons to my peers and wishing I could change certain things about myself. When I thought about it, it was only physical traits that made my self esteem plummet. I valued traits that I did not have rather than focus on the traits that I did have. Traits like longer hair, height, a more even skin tone, etc. I believed these were the things that dictated better actions from others toward me.
Why do we attach the actions of others to our worth? Why do we place so much weight on these things?
If I didn't have loved ones that constantly compliment and make me feel loved every chance they get I would probably think that a healthy self esteem only comes from what has been instilled in you i.e outside validation. While I believe this is only half the battle, I am super grateful that I had positive reinforcements in my life so that I can defend the prior claim. Outside validation is not the foundation for healthy self esteem and confidence.
As I've gotten older the conditions on which I prioritized my self esteem grew even more. I hate the fact that SO many people, including myself, have placed conditions on when they will truly get to know and fall in love with themselves. Conditions like, "I'll love myself more when I lose weight, have a partner, get a better job, a new car etc.". I think this is self sabotage, and this can truly delay your progress. I am learning to love myself at any stage. I truly had to make the first step to reforming my thought process on some of those conditions. When we think self love, self esteem, and confidence, we often think of the cute stuff. But, our true high value self comes from taking care of the tough stuff. The first step for me was introspection. Introspection goes a long way for our self-worth/self-love journey. Understanding yourself and making peace with your inner battles is the true hack. You have to ask yourself the hard questions. "Why do I want this?", or "How can I change this so I can be better to me, for me?" - for starters. Everyone has their own "hard questions". You know YOUR questions and introspection will allow you to answer them.
Start the journey. Join me on the journey. Although this is not an overnight odyssey, and it is honestly quite the rollercoaster, tell yourself today that the pity part is over.
Be patient- take the time to shift your thought process and know that whatever you're working on will gradually change. Attitude and self image won't change overnight.
Be positive- provide praise and encouragement to yourself. you are your primary coach. speak positive things to yourself.
Be truthful- be honest about the way you really feel deep down.
This may be a bit contradicting, but also surrounding myself with a great set of friends helped me a lot. While this is a journey for ME, I had some of the best people cheering me on things I was working on. They also would pull me out of my hole on some days when I felt the work just wasn't hitting like I thought it should. ~it be like that~
While I am working on embracing my insecurities and loving all of me more every day, what's most important is affirming:
My value lies inside.
I feel great about who I am right now.
I feel great about who I will be.
I am placing my value in the things that matter.
I am placing my worth in things that make me better.
Confidence is what I make it.
At this present time I am more confident than I have ever been, and I am enjoying the journey. I am placing more value in who I am as a person so that my confidence can only be dictated by me.
I chose a BOLD RED lipstick to be the theme of this post as a tool to display how we can overcome the hurdle that is not so high self esteem and wavering confidence. Lipstick isn't a sign of superficiality, but rather a symbol of confidence and feminine strength in the face of struggle or uncertainty. Additionally, reiterating the fact that outside validation should not be the reason we waver in positive speech to ourselves as it relates to the rules of what skin tone or what type of woman should or should not wear a bold lipstick.